Like drinking wine, interacting with a sommelier should be stress-free

Just what is a sommelier and how do you use one? It’s important if you’re having dinner in an elegant restaurant with your boss, future in-laws or new squeeze you’re trying to impress.

It can be stressful if you let it. So don’t let it.

First, it’s pronounced SAHM-el-yay. These days it’s often shortened to “somm,” and they’re seen more and more in upscale restaurants. It’s the person who shows up with the wine list after you’ve seen the menu. In a top restaurant, he or she should be well educated about wine in general and wine-food pairings, and thoroughly familiar with the restaurant’s menu and wine list.

An expensive meal should be fun, not stressful. Here are a couple of tips to make the wine-selection process painless:

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Here are some sample conversations you might have with the somm:

Check the label

When the somm brings the wine to the table, check the label for its name and vintage year. This could prevent a $300 misunderstanding. If it’s correct, simply nod.

Now the somm will open the wine, and possibly pour a tiny portion into a glass and taste it. Don’t be offended. He or she is simply making sure it’s not spoiled. It could spare you a nasty surprise.

The somm then will place the cork on the table in front of you. Don’t pick it up and make a big deal over it. Simply glance at it. If it’s broken or soaked full-length with wine, it means the seal might have been broken and the wine might be spoiled. But you can’t be sure until you taste it, so don’t waste time over this step.

Sniff and sip

When the somm pours a tiny portion in your glass, simply take a quick sniff and sip. If it’s spoiled, say so and the somm will send it back. If it tastes like wine, simply nod your head. You don’t have to ooh and ahh over it. The somm didn’t make it.

Oh, and if you chose the wine, you shouldn’t send it back if it’s sound, but you simply don’t like it. On the other hand, if the somm recommended it and you don’t like it and can articulate why, ask for a different wine. Many restaurants allow this.

Now the somm will go around the table pouring the wine — women first. Wine glasses should be poured less than halfway full, to leave room so you can swirl it to release more of the aroma to enjoy. If the somm pours too much, quietly ask him or her to pour less.

(I was in a restaurant once in which the somm poured three glasses full to the rim, emptying the bottle before the fourth guest got any, and announcing: “I guess you need another bottle.” Imagine the size of his tip.)

The tip

Now to that dreaded moment — the tip.

You usually don’t tip the somm separately. For the most part I simply tip about 20 percent of the entire bill, both food and wine. Or 15 percent if the service was subpar. Most restaurants have a policy of dividing the tips among the waiter, the somm and the rest of the serving staff.

Two exceptions:

A final note: Wine fans don’t always agree on how to deal with somms. If any diner or somm disagrees with anything I’ve said, please email me so we can talk about it.

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